confessions of a skeptic

You guys...can I tell you something? I just don't think I'm cut out for online dating.

Let's set aside the potential for accidentally choosing a serial killer or the fact that I'm expected to start a conversation with a complete stranger based on maybe five paragraphs of text (and these are not small concerns, people). Instead, I find my biggest stumbling block is how incredibly judgmental I get when confronted with a virtual catalog of mail order-like dates. I've always prided myself on not having a strict list of things I need in a man, but when confronted with the exact opposite, I suddenly have a whole cornucopia of deal breakers.

What have I learned by having a profile up on OkCupid?

Basic reading comprehension is a valuable life skill. The prompts in a given profile offer you an opportunity to point out things about your beliefs that may be important to you. Wouldn't you read these things, particularly if you have deal breakers of your own? Within the past two months, I've received exploratory emails from (1) someone who clearly states he will never, ever (no matter how hot) date a democrat (democrat/progressive is stated in my profile) and (2) an agnostic who emails me to say I might qualify to hang out with so long as I'm not one of those "god clowns". Why would you send this to me when I self-identified as christian and said it was important to me?

There is only so much baggage a girl can overlook. I'm not perfect, so I try really hard not to look for Mr. Perfect. However, a girl can only ignore so many red flags. This progressive series of red flags is from one person. He had moved back home as he tried to get his life back together. Okay, I'm not an elitist. Oh wait, he doesn't drive anymore because of a car accident six months ago. I can deal. I don't own a car, so who am I to judge? Actually, he doesn't drive anymore because he suffers from an anxiety disorder. Umm...I'm not sure I want a fixer upper. Finally, he starts to talk about how much of a sinner he is, apologizes for not being a virgin, and proclaims that I am the woman to save him. Bolt. I have enough of my own issues and am in no way meant to be a man's savior.

I have basic grammar needs and am especially fond of capitalization and punctuation. I am not a grammar nazi and, in fact, consider those that think of themselves above the fray pretty freaking annoying. Everyone makes mistakes, and it's easy to fall behind on the latest changes to the grammar rules. Still, I can't handle text-speak. I have no problem with throwing in "u" every now and then and am a frequent abuser of OMG, LOL, and BTW. I have discovered, however, that I will have an aneurysm when confronted with entire messages written without capitalization, punctuation, and a tendency to write things phonetically.

I haven't even told you about the 5' 3" guy whose profile indicated an interest in bondage, the potter who talked about himself for 2 hours straight, rarely pausing to ask anything about me, or the couple looking for a third.

These are the days of our live.