Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Pissed

I hate public restrooms, probably not as much as some women, but I still find them distasteful. This afternoon I was making my way back to Washington, D.C. when all the diet coke I consumed decided it was tired of me. I'm not sure why I was so hesitant to use the Amtrak loo, but my instincts proved correct today.

The loo in question was wretched. I knew it was going to be one of times I was going to have to make like a jedi and hover. Unfortunately, unlike most guys and a whole lot of women, I have horrific aim*. Just as I was experiencing that final release (when you've had to pee really bad, you know what I'm talking about) when I noticed something pooling on the ground. I completely missed the toilet and had pissed on the back of my jeans and the floor. The red flush of shame crept to my face at the same time my cat-like reflexes had me yanking my pant legs out of their own danger zone. Thank GOD my jeans were dark and only got hit near the top. It allowed me the opportunity to sneak back to my suitcase and grab a skirt. I slid out of the loo, making sure to afix a look of disgust on my face at the "person" who left the place such a mess. Five minutes later I was outfitted in new skirt and back in my seat. Perspective allows laughter, but pissing yourself as an adult takes a strong constitution.

Lesson learned: If it's so gross you need to hover, find another loo.




*Ask me about my Taiwanese bathroom experience later.

10 comments:

  1. Is it horrible that I laughed for a good 5 minutes when you told me this story?

    i HATE hoverpeeing! It's the worst ever.

    ReplyDelete
  2. shoulda just stuck your rear portion out the window and painted the train.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh this is so me! I think the only bathrooms worse than airport bathrooms are maybe gas stations and then of course there is my office bathroom. Nasty!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Haha, Yay for Photo of the Day!

    ReplyDelete
  5. too funny! i love it. the weirdest place i ever peed (actually there are many - one related to my comment on your post about sleeping anywhere) was in a carpet/pottery/hooka store in tangiers morrocco. the other was in the corner of a parking garage - after having caught 40-winks in the car - wherein the pee splattered from the cement onto my sneakers. i just couldn't wear them after that. they had been deflowered.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm worried my sister will see this page and divulge all of my secrets.

    ReplyDelete
  7. hysterical! I just had a similar situation. Although, I am a man, I had to go so badly, there was a quarter-sized wet mark on my light denim jeans by the time I made it to the bathroom. It takes forever to dry, girl!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Happily - My goal was to make you laugh out loud in class. Glad I succeeded.

    Coyote Mike - Ah, if only I were a classier girl. ; )

    Lynn - Nasty office bathrooms should be banned.

    Amanda - Deflowered...love it (in a completely gross way)!

    Scarlet - I think you've already outed at least one particular story to some of us ; )

    Clem = Ouch.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Monkey Barrel Girl9:16 AM

    This is why I keep a Barrel of Monkeys in the glove box of the car... You never know when you might not be able to exit the vehicle of transportation and that little barrel can come in handy.

    And now I've said too much and I'm going to have to post this under a pseudonym...

    ReplyDelete
  10. i'm sure the movement of the train didn't help much either.

    can't think of where i've been going lately that has been so horrible, but i've seem to become somewhat of a hovering pro.

    ReplyDelete