Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Taking stock of Eddie Bauer

I don't envy men and the limited range of clothing that is deemed acceptable for them. Having spent Saturday afternoon buried in the closet of one of the male species I feel like I'm an expert in male closetology. As I hung up shirt after shirt, I found myself wondering if I could draw any psychological conclusions about a man from the kinds of clothes he bought for himself or the way he packed them away. This particular specimen seems to have a fondness for Eddie Bauer. In fact, every time I pulled a new shirt out of the army bag and discovered it to be Eddie Bauer, I began to wonder exactly how many marginally different kinds of shirts Eddie Bauer could make. Wearing Eddie Bauer could mean the individual is comfortable in his rugged outdoor self. Or maybe not. If the image Eddie Bauer wishes to portray conflicts with its actual corporate practices, couldn't the same hold true for the wearer?*

Delving deeper into the makings of a man's closet, what are we to make of a smattering of Kenneth Cole and a couple of Calvin Klein thrown in for good measure? Someone who cares about their appearance or personal style? A few things bought for them by a woman? Looking beyond labels, there is color and fabric to take stock of. Is a cotton/cotton-blend man with no exotic colors to be considered stable, a safe bet? What if you discover an errant tropical shirt** like I did? If I had found cords, would I have thought him professorial?

Moving on to the chest of drawers and the keeper of male knickers, what are we to think of the baller***? This one is fairly simple. It's probably a psychological plus compared to the man who feels the need to iron his knickers and sort them by color. The baller (ha!) is potentially a man in a hurry, who can't be bothered with actually folding something very few**** will actually see.

Really, I'm not sure examining the contents of a man's closet can really tell you anything. I don't necessarily believe that the clothes make the man...more the facade of a man but not the man. Obviously this is someone comfortable enough in who he is that he doesn't mind a woman arranging his closet and analyzing its contents.

*I don't think this is the case here, but the question should be pondered for the sake of closetology.
**Rumor has it that it was purchased for a themed party but never worn.
***Balls up the boxers and just shoves them in a drawer.
****Not that you won't be getting any...just saying.


  1. Does closetology work for female closets, too?

  2. very interesting and thought provoking piece

    and scarlet, i'm sure encyclopedias can be written on female closets