unswerving allegiance

I'm talking about loyalty here. Merriam Webster's defines loyalty as (1) unswerving allegiance; (2) faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due; (3) faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product. My question to you is when does loyalty go to far? As a fairly typical scorpio, loyalty is a core belief and practice. However, I'm beginning to wonder if loyalty keeps me in things that I shouldn't be in.

What led me to this train of thought was an email from a coworker about the potential for a new position with my organization. I've been entertaining thoughts of a web-centered position with my organization but am having extreme feelings of guilt over even the thought of leaving my current program. I feel a loyalty to these people I would have a hard time breaking. Of course, once I started down this loyalty path I began to examine how loyalty plays a role in other arenas of my life. Take working at the Barn for example. Why haven't I cut my hours yet? Because this stupid loyalty thing has me feeling guilty for even thinking of leaving them in the lurch for an h.c. (have to admit a little scorpio power play is involved here, too). And relationships...when I say I've got your back...I've got your back. But is this healthy?

Is there such a thing as being too loyal?

Is there intelligent life out there?

I'm beginning to feel like someone with multiple personalities. There are so many different people in my life right now--none of whom would mesh together if put in the same room. What's up with that? It's not like I'm different with any of them...well, ok, maybe the some of the church crowd. I try not to curse around them because they tend to get offended and are still under that misguided assumption that cursing is a sin. Having to watch what I say also makes me not as outgoing. Of course, I have been known to bust out my bowling dance for them. : ) Sometimes I just wish I felt comfortable in the knowledge that all of my friends could hang out in one room and not offend each other.

Be The One

I keep getting periodic emails about a campaign called The One. I don't know how I got on the email list and don't remember signing up for the campaign. Regardless, I receive an email about once a month telling me about the One. Why should you care? Because through these emails I've begun to learn the One and know they are fighting a valiant cause. The goal of the One is to join together as one to fight the global AIDs epidemic and extreme poverty. It's about each One of us making a difference. It's about getting an additional One percent of the U.S. budget dedicated to providing health care assistance, education, clean water and food to the world's poorest countries. Why now? The government is getting ready to figure out how much money it will put toward humanitarian assistance. The G8 summit is also coming up in July and represents another opportunity to show the world's leaders that we want responses to these crises. Don't think the situation is that bad? Bone up on some of these articles below...


http://www.npr.org/healthscience/aids2004/?sourceCode=gaw
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A3318-2005Feb6.html?sub=A
http://www.hindu.com/2005/04/21/stories/2005042103481400.htm

Concrete must grow better with water

It's the time of year again where I walk the streets of DC every morning only to see the concrete sidewalks receiving their daily watering. Why? In this day and age of water shortages and conservation, why must we waste a precious resource by watering the sidewalk? It's not thirsty. It doesn't grow. Word on the street has it that the sidewalk is being cleaned. What, then, ever happened to sweeping? Not only is water being wasted on the sidewalks, the mini streams it creates carry all manner of urban runoff into DC's stormwater system and eventually into the Potomac and Anacostia Rivers. Great...let's sanction the wasting of water and pollution. Enough of my soapbox for today. Let me hop down.

In other news, last night's special project interview with Paul revealed way more than I ever wanted to know. He did make an interesting contrast to all the others I've spoken with. 3 more this week.

Grass stains and moonlit evenings

Last night was rough. Lying on the grass under the moonlit sky, I learned more about two people than I probably should have. I exchanged my peace of mind for pieces of information and a glimpse at the other side. I can't elaborate due to the confidentiality of the conversations, but my heart aches just a little this morning for reasons that are much more complex than obvious assumptions.

 

Bookseller/Counselor?

A man made me sad last night. He came into the store looking for books for kids on dealing with divorce. This isn't anything new. I've helped people find these books before, but when I handed him the books, he broke down and started sobbing. "I can't even look at them," he said. I just about lost it myself at this point. (1) I'm a big time sympathy crier, and (2) my parents got divorced when I was young, so I know the drill. Instead, I managed to get out something about my parents getting divorced and me turning out alright. He said 'him, too.' Anyway, I had to get out of that section and pull myself together in the restroom. It continues to amaze me how--25 years later--I can still feel like that lost, abandoned little girl.

*special* project

I'm working on a special project at the moment that involves talking to a number of people about the intimate details of their lives. Since I've promised them it's anonymous, I won't elaborate on the details, but I will say that it has been an intriguing experience thus far. Last night I did another interview...a marathon hour and a half after work...and am beat. There are many more interviews to go, and as this thing progresses, it also begins to morph. I see the focus of the project shifting into something more interesting and potentially longer term.

No laughing, but I feel a little like Kinsey taking people's "histories". Lol.